There are so many things to tell you, and like Aerosmith before me, I don’t wanna miss a thing, so I’m going to bullet point it. I am currently sat in BSA’s little library with a mug of Lemon, Ginger and Honey, surrounded by Mini Cheddar packets, covered in a blanket and warmed by a mini heater, as this is the best place to get the internet from. Bank Street is as calm and as peaceful as ever (except for the fridge. Stop making that noise, fridge. You’re putting me on edge), and surprisingly toasty warm once more (that’s a lie, I can’t feel my hands. But don’t tell my mum).
How do you feel for yourself?
Today has been brilliant in places and terrible in others – no mid point. The day began with a lovely peaceful awakening, some mid morning stress, a fantastic chat with John that really helped me solidify ideas, a filming session with Stu in which more things were cemented in my head by talking them through, three sets of visits, and brief adventure out of the studio before returning, talking over some things for SNL, going for Dinner, another brilliant chat with John, a massive brain block, and a sort of pass out on my little air bed. Feel really very tired – not in a bad way, but just a bit like my brain’s been squeezed – not sure if I have another day in me! But all I can do is try my best tomorrow, and make sure that I’m getting things down on paper tomorrow,and that I’m staying active and on my feet, and always talking ideas over openly and honestly with anybody that comes to visit.
Developments with the piece
Settled on the one idea to go with. Know it will be durational, 10 – 5 every day for two days, with an audience that can come into a room, explore it and watch it, with a instructions and script for the piece written on the wall for the audience to follow, lowered ceiling, playing myself but a version of myself, played in the front room of Bank Street, so to some extent public performance (do i want to emphasise that further?).
Talked a little about the logistics of some of these elements. Have thought lots about set.
What I want to do tomorrow
Dates are confirmed for the piece now – 20th – 22nd April. This gives me roughly 11 weeks to get the piece ready – ages, extreme luxury, almost three months, happiness.
But I want to make sure I’ve sketched that out in my head, that I’ve got a vague timeline, and I’m able to keep myself on track: there’s still lots of thinking to be done, I think tomorrow will be more thinking and talking, and scribbling thoughts down; but at some point that needs to turn into something, so I need to figure out when the thinking stops. So. Planning.
Lovely Kate is coming for me at three, so I’ll be packing up the room throughout the day, de constructing it on a very slow basis, a little every hour, with the walls being the last thing to strip.
I want to write down and get stuck on the wall every single performance idea I have had so far. I think I’m going to set aside 15 minutes of every hour tomorrow, and force myself to generate one performance idea every minute, for those 15 minutes, so that I’m generating ideas quickly quickly quickly. I might theme those 15 minute slots actually… hmm. I start work 10, here till three… 5 hours. 5 themes – the split, self creation, voyeurism, the bed and the ceiling.
I need to solidify the concept. Maaaaaaaaaaaaah.
What I’m gonna do when I get home!
OH MY GOD EAT SO MANY CARBS.
Sausages – mashed potato with mozzarella – a MOUNTAIN of vegetables.
Ignore the piece for a little while, at least until Monday
Do a Lush face mask
Ring my mum and chat for longest time
Cuddle my housemates all over their cheerful faces. I miss them.
Exercise. I don’t mind being a chubster, but I am in desperate need of some physical movement. Want to get a sweat on.
What I’ve learnt so far
The piece is going to be a lot more emotional for me to put together than perhaps I’d first envisaged, there’s a lot of me going into the piece, I’m exploring something that I need to explore, I think, as a person, and as an artist, it’s something I need to get past in my head. However, don’t want to go mad or be sad or feel how I felt at certain points today, so I’m going to work on the piece with much less intensity, I think: 2-3 short, sharp bursts a week, rather than long periods of work: though I think the past few days have been extremely useful, and the piece has come on in leaps and bounds, I don’t ever want to resent it, I don’t ever want to not enjoy it: and one of the hardest things about the last few days is thinking about it all the time (being in the building means that’s inevitable) and feeling guilty when I’m not thinking about it (like today when I ran away to M&S cafe with Jess). That’s not good.
No more blogging, padre. Need to sleep. xxx